


hi, my name is [dan]

by Mchel (gelishoes)



Category: Dan Howell - Fandom, Phan, Phandom, Phil Lester - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 23:14:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9407165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gelishoes/pseuds/Mchel
Summary: A fetus being named Dan, encountered a big capsule crashed down on an empty lot near their house. He tries to steal these weird machines called 'camera', 'Wi-Fi' and 'laptop'. But then, here comes the robot capsule, stopping his robbery. He plans something that made the robot transformed to a being called 'incleptus'. He became friends with him and asks help to what to do with these weird machines.





	1. HI

**Author's Note:**

> Get Ready for some cringe action :))

A big capsule crashed down on the empty lot near their house, he walks his way near it and then found an interesting being who's gonna change his life - okay, maybe not.

 

*

 

**HI**

 

As he was walking down the concrete **[*licks lips]** pathway, his eyes was glued to a big capsule crashed down on an empty lot near their house.

He walked near it and was about to touch it when it suddenly  opens, and it has a three weird machines with names written on it; camera, wi-fi and laptop.

He was about to steal it when a weird voice suddenly spoke up.

"Hey, you human, go away, this is not destined for you." A robotic voice said to him.

He raised one of his eyebrows and taps his chin, thinking what to trick with this robot.

"I have 10 pounds?" He suggested.

"I don't take human shits." The robotic voice responded.

He widened his eyes and was taken aback, "Woah there, it's a money, not a shit." He knitted his eyebrows.

"I don't care, go away."

He just ignored the robot and was about to steal the three weird machines when he was suddenly shocked by a weird thing.

He widened his eyes and ran a step back away, making a distance between the capsule.

"I told you, you were shocked, aren't you?"

Yeah, shocked. Shocked by some electrical shits, and a shocked face.

"Ugh, just give me those." He folded his arms.

"I told you, you weren't the destined human to touch these things."

He knitted his eyebrows, "Then who is it? Because my family and I are the only human in these street."

"Really?"

"Hah no, just give me those please."

"I was about to fall, but, no, go away."

Dan just rolled over his eyes and pulled out his tongue to the capsule then left.

*

It was night, and Dan is planning some cheeky shit to get those machines.

He's trying to get laid on a robot being.

He sneaked near the capsule and was about to get it when something shone up.

"I can sense you, you shit."

"Excuse me?" Dan widened his eyes to shock because this monoted being is calling him a _shit_.

"What?"

Dan is thinking what to say when he suddenly mumbled something, "You're pretty hot."

Dan secretly crossed his fingers, hoping this unknown robot will fall to his trap.

"W-What?" The robot's voice suddenly changed like...

Suddenly, something bursts. Dan looked at it and there it was.

A shit - wait no. What he meant is...

"An angel." He was about to passed out when the glorious being caught him.

He swooned over his hands acting like about to pass out.

"Romeo, oh Romeo."

The being in front of him knitted his eyebrows in confusion.

He moved away from him and straight up his body and looked down on his white vans.

"N-Never mind that." He stuttered in shame.

Then he looked again to his beautiful ocean eyes...

"A-Anyways, _h-hi._ " Dan bitted his lower lip.

_I'm not supposed to fell with him, he should be the one_ _! But oh god, he's so beautiful._

"What is hi?" The beautiful being asked.

Dan narrowed his eyebrows and taken a step back away from him a little.

"You don't know what is it? It is a greeting." He explained.

"Oh, is that so? _Imagos_ , I'm an _incleptus_ being from _Innova Planeta_ and we greet someone by saying _fuck you_."

Dan widened his eyes and gasped, "What? It's a swear word in Earth!"

"Really? Our swear word is _pizza_."

"But it's a food."

"Our food is _dog_."

"Poor dogs! Why do you eat them?" He unbelievably asked.

"But it's _our_ food." He knitted his eyebrows.

"Then what are your pets?"

" _Butts_."

"But you know that is ass, right?"

"Oh, _imagos_ , what I meant is, _bakarano_ **[a rhino]** , my pets names are Butts and I was confused for a while. _Imagos._ "

He raised one of his eyebrows, "Wait, what is imagos?"

"An apology word."

"Oh, here in Earth, it's sorry."

"Sorry? What a weird word."

"So is yours too."

Then silence filled in around them.

"Anyways, I'm going to steal your machines, can I?" Dan suddenly asked.

"Oh sure! Just give me a planet to stay."

Dan widened his eyes and stopped when he was about to _steal_ the machines.

"Woah, woah, woah, a human can't give an incleptus a _planet_! It's impossible!"

"How? You can just call 69 and buy a planet nearby." He raised one of his eyebrows.

"Oh, what is your currency?"

" _Poop_."

_Hell, that's disgusting._

"Stay to my house, I'm sure my family will allow you."

"What is house and family?"

Dan pointed out his house nearby and his sister playing with some _alien_ being.

"Why is she with an alien?" The incleptus said with a serious tone.

"Oh, humans are close with aliens, because they are the mainstreamed other beings than us." Dan explained.

"So that's why they are here too?"

"Yeah, some of them stay, some of them leave."

"I thought _incleptuses_ are close with humans, because that's what my _Bobo_ said."

"Bobo?"

"Mother is the Earth meaning."

"Oh."

Dan looked at the incleptus and asked while smiling, "So, stay with me?"


	2. ,

His mother slapped him for letting in an unknown being. He told her that he was an incleptus but she said that he's just saying things. She left with his father and sister, so he's just alone, with some incleptus being.

They sat on the sofa in silence.

"Imagos." He suddenly said while looking down on his lap.

He smiled sadly at him and pats him on the back.

"That's okay, I mean, you can teach me how to work with this machines, like, no one can disturb us at all."

"But - "

"Shh," He pats him on the back again "Don't worry, my Mum left me a good amount of money."

He just nodded.

"So, teach me?" He nudged him jokingly.

His face lit up and smiled at him.

*

"That's unfair!" Dan yelled.

"It's not, and this is mine, isn't it?" He smirked.

I know now how to use these machines, but this shit is letting off his natural being inside him, and it's so annoying!

Dan rolled over his eyes and folds his arms.

"I have school, you dingus!"

"So what? You can still use this."

"No! What if I have many projects that I should research, then I met an unfair schedule?"

"Then I can let you use this, but there's a punishment."

"Punishment but I didn't done anything?" He squealed.

"Calm down," he giggle "it's just simple punishments."

"It should be or I'll break your neck off."

"Then there will be another punishment if you do that." He smirked.

"Whatever, you'll leave after three months anyway, don't you?" He snarled.

"Yeah, yeah, and I'm sure that you will miss me." He winked.

Dan widened his eyes and pointed him, "You? I will miss you? Never."

"Okay, if you say so."

*

The alarm went off, Dan is struggling to turn it off because its far and this incleptus shit is hugging him tightly.

When the fuck did I mention him that he's sleeping with me?

Dan angrily shakes his body so that he will let go, but no, he just hugged him tightly than ever.

"You incleptus shit, let me go!" He yelled.

"No."

"I have school!"

"Skip."

Dan widened his eyes and then pushed him off, thankfully, he let go.

"What is your problem?" He asked while yawning and stretching.

Dan knitted his eyebrows and stood up then folds his arms.

"I should be the one who's asking you that, what is your problem?" Dan snapped.

"Why are you so angry all of a sudden?"

"You told me to skip school! So then what? What will I do if I skip school?"

"Be with me."

"Ugh, nothing interesting will happen, for sure."

"Not if you do something." He smirked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wth, idk if this is a weird dimension or alternate universe.


	3. MY

_I FREAKING SKIP SCHOOL_

_BUT_

_OHHHH MY GOOOOOD_

_WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE THINKS HE IS DOING_

_HE IS TOPLESS IN FRONT OF ME_

_DOES HE WANT ME TO MOUNT HIS EVEREST_

_WHAT THE FUUUUUCK_

_I'M SWEATING SO HARD RIGHT NOW_

_I REALLY WANT TO STAB MY EYE WITH THE BREAD KNIFE I'M HOLDING_

_I'M_

" _Fuck you_ ," His eyes suddenly widened "Why are you red? Are you okay?" He jogs near me and placed his hands to my sweating forehead.

_OH GOD_

_KILL ME PLEASE_

_HE SAID FUCK YOU_

_DOES HE WANT TO FUCK ME_

_AND HE'S TOUCHING ME_

_LIKE_

"I-It's n-n-nothing." Dan stuttered and swats his hands away.

"Okay, if you say so." He said while looking at him, not buying his lie.

It's obvious that he is not freaking okay, he stuttered and said it's nothing? Big nope.

"Anyways, do you have any extra clothes there?"

_DOES HE WANT TO WEAR MY FREAKING CLOTHE_ _S_

_DAMN IT, DAN, DO NOT RUIN THE OPPORTUNITY, TAKE IT_

"Of course." Dan said and stood up from the stool, running to his room.

He digs on his wardrobe, trying to find something.

His face suddenly lit and grabbed it then left his room to give it to him.

"Here."

He took it and smiled, " _Muchas gracias_." Then he left.

 _An incleptus knows how to speak Spanish? Woah_.

Then he heard he suddenly yelled.

He ran to the voice and bit his lower lip, trying not to burst a laugh.

"What the hell is this?" He yelled.

_A BDSM Outfit._

"Revenge for making me skip school." He smirked.

"Ugh, I'm going to find new clothes on your wardrobe. This is so uncomfortable."

"Go ahead." Dan moved away so that he can move ahead.

Dan walked back to the kitchen when he yells again.

"Your clothes are small!"

"Then buy your clothes!" He yelled back and sat back on the stool, spreading his sandwich.

He walked back on the kitchen with... _his_ _clothes_.

"I thought it was small?" Dan raised one of his eyebrows.

"Nope, I found something that is okay."

"Good for you." Dan munches his sandwich and offered him, which he didn't accept, so he just shrugged and continued eating.

*

"Why are your human language is impressive?" Dan suddenly asked.

"I guess because my Bobo is a human." He shrugged.

"A human?"

"Yeah, my Bobo is a human and my Gaga is an incleptus, they met here in Earth but moved away to go to Innova Planeta, which is incleptuses' planet." He explained.

Dan just nodded.

_So that's why he looks human._

"Are there any differences between humans and incleptuses?"

He shooks his head and said, "Scientists said that incleptuses came from humans, but I don't know how it works."

"Came from humans?" Dan widened his eyes.

"Yeah, like humans came from apes."

"Ah." The only thing came out from Dan's mouth.

"Anyways, want to go star gazing?" Dan suggested.

"Of course." He agrees.

*

They lay down on the grass on the empty lot, which is where this incleptus came from. The capsule is still there, laying peacefully.

Dan peeked to his right, then he found out that he is looking at him. He quickly shifts his gaze away to look at the stars again.

" _Thank you_."

Dan knitted his eyebrows in confusion, then looked at him, sleeping peacefully.

_I wonder why he thanks me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blah. This is so bad and I kinda want to delete this (chapter) - but some parts of it are good. Idk.


	4. NAME

"What's your name, by the way?"

"Pheelep Maykol Lester." **[Name is pronounced just like his normal name, just spelled in a weird way.]**

"Well, that sounds normal."

"The pronounciation sounds normal, but you'll be weirded out when you see my spelling name."

"Then, can you type it out?"

He moved the _laptop_ to _Pheelep_ , then he typed it and moved it back to Dan.

He widened his eyes and bit his lower lip, trying not to laugh, but he bursts into laughter.

"What?" _Pheelep_ knitted his eyebrows in confusion.

"Your name looks weird." He laughs.

"I told you."

Dan stopped laughing and looked at him, "But hey, can I call you Phil? As in P-H-I-L?" Dan asked.

"Of course, if that's what you want."

"Dan." He suddenly spat.

Phil looked at him in confusion, then Dan realized something.

"Oh, my name is Dan, sorry, I was thinking something." He said while scratching the back of his neck.

"Dan only?"

Dan shooks his head and said, "Daniel James Lester." He suddenly widened his when he realized he said something wrong.

"I-I mean, Howell." He stutters in shame, looking down on his lap while fiddling his fingers.

Phil bursts into laughter then pats Dan's back, which made Dan shocked because he suddenly felt _spark_ , like the spark he felt when he touched the capsule.

"I didn't know that you want me so bad." Phil laughs.

"S-Stop."

Phil just messed Dan's fringe, which made Dan felt a bit angry but he let that go, since he doesn't want to ruin this moment.

Dan just silently fixed his fringe and looked at Phil.

"You're leaving for two months now, right?"

Phil suddenly stopped laughing and nodded his head, then suddenly smirked. "Why? Are you gonna miss me?"

Dan widened his eyes and looked away at Phil, "No way."

Dan heard Phil chuckled and said, "I'm sure that you'll gonna miss me when I'm gone." Phil nudged him jokingly.

Dan rolled over his eyes and huff a sigh, "Yeah, yeah, I'll gonna miss you." He looked down while fiddling his fingers.

Phil suddenly gave him a side hug, which made Dan shock and blush a little. "I won't leave you."

Dan looked at Phil, his face is so close that if you leaned in, you can already kissed him, but he moved away, which made Phil a bit disappointed, but he just shrugged it off.

"Promise?" Dan whispered that Phil can only hear it even though they're the only one in this house.

"I can't," Phil looked down which made Dan a bit angry "but, I will." He faced Dan and hugged him which caused Dan a shock because he doesn't know what to do.

He hugged him back but felt a bit weigh down on his shoulder, seeing the future that Phil will leave him alone.

But he said that he _will_.

 _I hope he really will_.

*

Dan suddenly thought of something that he wants to slam his head on a wall.

_Fuck! I already forgot that he should be the one who's supposed to be falling! But I fell, I already fell._

_But he didn't catch me._

"Oh god, I'm so dramatic right now! Two months, Dan, two freaking months, that's still a lot! You can do this." He whispered-yelled to himself while brushing his hair off with his fingers.

He suddenly bumped to something which made him fall. Dan sat up and looked who he has bumped to.

"I'm sorry, Miss." He apologized while helping to pick her fallen books.

They both stood up and Dan gave him her books.

"I-It's okay."

"Oh, what's your name then?"

The girl widened his eyes in fear which made Dan took a response, "Hah no, I'm not trying to flirt or do something with you, but I'm just asking."

"If you want to say it though." Dan added while shrugging.

"Ah, I-I'm Cat." She let out her free hand to shake with his.

"Hi Cat, I'm Dan." He said while smiling, then took her hand to give it a firm shake.

Cat suddenly widened her eyes, "A-A-Are y-you h-human?" She stuttered.

"Why did you asked? And yeah, are you?"

Cat shook her head which made Dan widen his eyes, "Then, what are you?"

"A-An incleptus, s-sorry if you don't know it but it's a - "

Cat got cutted off with Dan's chuckle which made Cat's eyebrows knitted.

"Don't worry, I already know what they are."

"H-How? T-They're like the most unknown being in E-Earth!"

"I have a _guy_ _bestfriend_ who's an incleptus." He smiled.

_Bestfriend, does Phil think of it like me too?_

"Oh, can I meet him?" Her face lits "I've never seen a being like me after ten years, because my bestfriend, PJ, who is also like me, left with his family to move to Innova Planeta." She explained.

"Of course! I'm sure he will like you." He smiled.

She jumped in excitement and said, "Okay! See you after school! Bye!"

He just nodded and smiled when she ran away to go to her class as fast as she could. Then he left too, walking his way to his class.

 _I hope it will not make a mess_.


	5. IS

"What? Really?"

Dan nodded his head while smiling, Phil is so happy and Dan wants to make him happy than ever.

"When can I meet her?" Phil excitedly asked.

"Tomorrow." Dan answered while smiling.

_God, I can't help but to smile when I see this sunshine being so happy._

"Thank you, Dan." Phil hugged him and Dan hugged him back too.

They move away from each other and smiled at each other.

"Why did you thank me the other night, by the way?" Dan suddenly asked.

"Oh, that?" Phil looked down, fiddling his fingers.

"I just want to thank you for stealing the machines."

Dan's eyes widened and chuckled, "Just because of that?"

Phil shook his head and looked directly at Dan's eyes which made Dan's heart beat faster. "Because you changed me too," He touched Dan's hands firmly, "I was trapped to that capsule for almost 50 years, and yeah, I'm older than you, incleptuses age faster than humans, but their physical appearance change slowly than humans. Basically, I'm already 71 years old, in human age, I'm 21."

"Thank you, Daniel." Phil smiled at him while wiping something under Dan's eyes - it was tears.

Dan hugged him and Phil does too.

Dan closed his eyes and whispered something, _"Please, don't leave me."_

*

Dan smiled to the scene in front of him, making his cheeks ache.

It's been many weeks since he smiled so much than ever, and it's because of _Phil_.

He's glad that Phil met an incleptus being again, since he was trapped to the capsule for almost 50 years, as what he said.

And it's now a month before Phil will left him, with Cat, of course, because she asked to go with him when he will leave.

Dan couldn't help it but to be glad with Phil's life. He doesn't want to be selfish, just because he found him first. But he knows that she will make him happier, in Innova Planeta.

Dan's heart wrenched to these thoughts and tried to erase it, but, no. He can't help it.

He closed his eyes and ran to his room, quietly closing the door shut and locking it. He sinked down on the floor, hands brushing his hair while biting his lower lip.

He suddenly bursts and cried out quietly, hoping that he would not ruin the chit chat Phil have with Cat.

_Damn it, I already fell in love and I just lost._

He bits his lower lip, trying to be silent when he suddenly heard a footstep nearby.

"Dan?" Phil called out and knocked on the door, "Are you awake?" He tried opening the door, but it was locked.

"I guess you are. Cat, let's go." Then he heard those footsteps go away as they left.

Dan cried out again and threw himself on his bed, curling into a ball and duvet wrapped around him.

 _Please,_ _Phil, don't leave me_ _._


	6. NO

"Please, Phil, don't leave me." He begged while crying.

He is kneeling down and crying on his knees in front of Phil and Cat. He doesn't care that Cat is watching, he cares what Phil's respond for now.

"Dan," he knelt to level Dan, when he looked at Dan's red eye and puffy face, he widened his eyes and holds his hand firmly while looking directly to Dan's red eyes, "look, I don't want to leave you, but I have to."

"Why?" Dan asked while crying.

"If I don't, there will be a _punishment_." Phil gulped.

"Are you trying to give me a hint back then?" Dan asked when he suddenly realized all of it.

Phil nodded and bits his lower lip, "You can st **[eal]** ill send me messages by those machines you stole from me." Phil joked.

"But I don't want to virtually see you, I want to see you personally and physically in front of me."

"I'm sorry, Dan, but I have to go now." Phil stood up and was about to left when Dan hugged his knees.

"Please, Phil." Dan cried.

Phil tries to shook off his legs, but Dan doesn't want to let go.

"I really have to go, Dan."

Dan stood up and grabbed Phil's both shoulders and looked directly at his eyes, "Look Phil and listen to me for the last try," Phil huff a sigh and nodded that he should continue.

"My plan was to make you fell in love with me so that I could steal those machines away from you. I was acting like a hard-to-get girl to you, but I didn't knew you was giving a hint. I'm so sorry Phil, and I want you to know that I love you so mu - "

Dan was cut off when Cat interrupted, "I'm sorry, Dan, but we really have to go."

Cat grabbed Phil's arm and was about to walk away when Dan held Phil's wrist and held him closer, kissing him on his lips with some salt in it, coming from Dan's tears. Phil kissed him back too and hugged him.

"I love you too, Dan." Phil said with watery eyes.

Cat grabbed Phil's arms again and walked near on the capsule to lay and they left.

Dan stood there, left, crying with his broken heart.

Phil love him too, but he can never show it to Dan, ever _again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not a troll chapter. I really wrote No, as in Meghan Trainor's No.
> 
> MY NAME IS NO
> 
> Sorry if I make someone tear, if that's even possible. Because I'm not good at writing sad stories, or to be honest, I'm not good at writing at all.


	7. [dan]

He peeked awkwardly at the camera and about after of an awkward seconds, he came out and greeted, "Hi," with a salute (?).

"My name is..." He said while letting out a box figure with his hands. 

"Dan"

_I'm going to edit that with an annotation_

Then he blabbers about blah blah blah **[Just watch Dan's first video, okay? It's called** ** _Hello Internet_** **. It's not really necessary in this story, sojustwatchitokay.]**

When he finished, he turned off his camera and grabbed his laptop. He sat on his bed and laid the laptop on his lap.

He is shaking nervously when he finally pressed the post button.

 _I hope Phil can see it_.

He scrolled through Skype, trying to find his name.

_AmazingPhil_

"Pheelep." He chuckles.

He's shaking nervously and was about to type, when his Skype notification rang. He looked at it.

His breathing almost stopped when he looked who messaged him.

_crabstickz_

_My long lost best friend, he finally messaged me!_ he screamed.

He read the message and his smile dropped.

 **crabstickz** **:** Death is coming near you. So send this to 10 hoes to avoid death. If you didn't send this in exactly 10 person, you'll be dead by exactly at 12 am.

_A fucking spam even in Skype? I thought he missed me. Fuck that boy._

He just sighed and laid on his back. Spreading across his arms, sighing.

_I really miss Ph_ _il._

*

**So, guys, I wrote two endings, I hope you will like either one of it!**

*

**ONE**

  
He walked out of his house, walking to the empty lot near his house.

"It's empty now." He whispered.

He sat on the grass and laid on it, gazing on the stars, hoping that a capsule will fall again.

_Will he ever come back?_

He sat up and hugged his knees, trying not to cry.

He bited his lower lip and closed his eyes.

_I know we're different, we're not the same,_ _I know that you love me too, but you can never show it to me ever again._

Then his eyes suddenly cried a salty river out of it.

 _I know it's not your fault. It's no one's fault. You just found a being the same as yours._ _I'm happy about it, but my heart is still shattering when I see you two together_ _happy in my mind._

_I'm a human, you're an incleptus._

_We're not the same._

*

**TWO**

He bits his lower lip, looking at the amount of viewers who had seen his video.

_Is Phil included in it? I really hope so._

He opens his Skype again, inhaling and collecting encourage to message him.

 **danisnotonfire:** Hey, Phil, I really miss you now. It's been months since you left.

 **danisnotonfire:** I really want to hug you now and I really want to claim your last name so much! Please come back.

 **danisnotonfire:** And I hope that you watched my first ever video.

Then his face suddenly lit when he saw who rings his Skype notification.

 **AmazingPhil:** I did.

 **AmazingPhil:** And I will.

 **AmazingPhil:** Don't worry, babe. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you really liked either one of it! Anyways, this is the last chapter. :D
> 
> I cringed to some parts of this story - or maybe even whole.
> 
> So, yeah. Thank you guys for reading and I hope you enjoyed/liked this story!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I know this story is weird, sorry, but that is the purpose of it - to be weird.
> 
> So, yeah, thank you for reading my weird story, I hope you enjoy.
> 
> ps All of the weird words are from my mind, so if by coincidence some of it is a real word (except for fuck you, pizza, dog, and poop, of course, it's a real words), then wow.
> 
> Except for Bobo too, because I'm a Filipino and it has a meaning in Philippines. It means dumb/stupid in English.


End file.
